I’m the worst blogger in the world. But, I find myself drawn to blogging in the moments or seasons where it best helps me to process life. And, I’ve found myself in a moment where typing out words is cathartic in a way that nothing else can lend.
We are still chugging along in our adoption process and are fighting for the sweetest little girl that is in no doubt our daughter. I can honestly say that the love I’ve had for each of my other babies as they grew in my womb is the same love I have for our Luna while we sign papers and check emails. Even when the adoption process has gotten hard (and it has), I’ve always known in my heart that this is our daughter. She is worth the fight. The hard. Just like any of our other babies, she is worth every single smidgen of the cost.
Over the last several weeks, we’ve found ourselves in a bit of a snag. A step of the process that is really a bit of a “non step”, has become wearisome, confusing, and in the words of our case worker– just bizarre. I wake up all hours of the night checking my email for any new information unveiling great news. But, then it doesn’t come. Sometimes leading to more bizarre information or just a discouraging funky start to the day.
I find myself in the same routine every day these days. Checking emails furiously. Firing off more emails furiously. Exchanging information with our case worker, whom we adore, and try to come up with our next idea. We have other friends that have been in a very similar battle. Some have won it and others still fight. This has only been our life for a few weeks and could go in a positive direction at any moment. But, I look at friends that weep, cry out to God, rally troops to lobby on their behalf and have been at it for months. Or others that battled for years only to have the victory half won with the next round of battles upcoming. The Lord has given me such a small glimpse into their burden and I am humbled.
What would you do for your child? What if you physically could not get to your child and had to wait on things that don’t make logical sense? I know the questions seem odd. But, really stop and think about those questions. Soak them in. Your very own child. Quite honestly, stuck in a system. And, while you battle and fight and strategize and fast and pray, your child waits another day. Just one more day would seem like too much to picture your life without your child.
We are in such a fallen and broken world. Adoption is even something that is a need in the first place. In a perfect world, adoption wouldn’t even be needed. Orphanages wouldn’t exist. Children wouldn’t sleep in a bed wondering if they’ll ever have a family of their own. And, children that now DO have a family wouldn’t spend any extra days without them.
While the Lord is completely in control, He changes time and seasons, He sets up kings and removes them (Daniel 2), we still find ourselves in a broken world with a battle that isn’t against flesh and blood. (Ephesians 6) Quite frankly, adoption is such a beautiful picture of God’s adoption of us. And, there is an enemy that has come to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10a). We know that this delay in our process is not a moment where we just sit back with no action and trust it will just all work out. While the enemy may have come to destroy, we trust in a God that has not only given life but given it abundantly (John 10:10b).
Therefore, we fight against the red tape, we pray, and we ask God to take our efforts in multiply it into much. He is a God that makes much of our little. So, we ask that He takes our little– all of the emails, the phone calls, the prayers, the plans of action– and multiples it into the big.
That if we really stopped to think about it, wouldn’t it be safe to wonder if God’s timing for adoption is always immediate? Like His timing for our adoption in Him? There may be a wait involved, but wasn’t God’s heart for us to turn to Him as immediately as possible? I can’t help but believe that this ache for our daughter, on the other side of the world, in some small way, mimics His ache for us. I can’t help but believe that He has fought for us from day one. And, that the fight for our Luna is holy and a small reflection of the fight He made for us.
Lord Jesus, bring her home like You’ve brought us to Yourself