Love in the Mess

John and I had a baby two months ago. The cutest little boy in the whole wide world. That same cute little boy was born with a tightly tied tongue and a lip tie. After 8 weeks of struggling through feeding times, a 5 week battle with thrush, and next to no sleep, we found out about the ties.

Procedure went great and was definitely the right decision. BUT, it’s not been an easy recovery. Still having feeding problems, the thrush came back, and while sleep has gotten better, we’re still pretty tired around these parts.

I’m not sure how many times I’ve cried my eyes out trying to figure out what to do next. Is it better to give him a bottle? Should I just pump or give him formula? Should I contact a different lactation consultant? Should I stretch his mouth more often so the ties don’t reattach? Should I try all of these thrush remedies or just one? And, the list goes on…

John has made more trips to the store and pharmacy and doctors offices with me than you could even imagine. He has a full time job plus side projects, yet he’s making sure I get naps as often as possible. He’s sat with me while I’ve cried. He’s taken the baby when he cried. And, so much more.

The other day I snapped a picture of our bedroom because it finally tipped over from “a little bit messy” to “mass chaos”. I was looking at the picture and noticed something.


Look at that dresser


Once you’re done laughing at the irony of a bottle of windex sitting on top of the pile of junk, look at what’s supposed to be my cute decoration. It’s letters that spell out “LOVE”.

There is love in the mess. Sure, there’s clothes strewn everywhere. Empty cups and plates from late night food. You can’t tell where the bedspread begins or ends. Dirty diapers are likely to be in the mix. Empty boxes from Charlotte’s birthday gifts not thrown out yet.

But, there’s a whole lot of love in that mess. Each item thrown around that room has some love hidden behind it. Those clothes? The clean ones were washed to provide something nice to wear. The dirty ones were picked to look nice for the day they were worn. All of those empty plates and cups brought nourishment when needed. That bedspread was bought when we up-sized our bed to a King when we found out Jed was on the way to make room for the whole family. Any floating dirty diapers? One of our gifts of joy in the sorrow produced those. Those empty gift boxes of Charlotte’s? She was loved well on her birthday, despite life being a little nutty right now.

And, that room as a whole? I get to share it with my husband. I’m grateful that he recognizes (better than me) that despite all of the mess, love can be found.


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