Baby Update!

Latest belly picture from last week. 27 weeks 3 days!

**Next post will be on our second baby shower in Texas this past week!**

Had the 28 week appointment this morning! So, today included my glucose test to check for gestational diabetes (I’ll find out the results the end of this week or beginning of next) and my RhoGam shot (I am one of the few lucky ones that have a negative blood type!).  Sweet baby was moving and scooting like a mad child (per a usual day) while the doctor listened for the heartbeat. And, the baby punched the doppler! The doctor and I both laughed. I have been wanting to hear the baby do that every stinkin’ appointment, so I enjoyed it :o)

I am officially gaining weight and I think gone are the days of trying to play catch up in that arena! And, my fundal measurements have always measured about a week or a week and a half ahead. Well, today it was 3 weeks ahead! The doctor said it was a measurement of 31 weeks and it took me quite a while to even process that number! He said if I’m still measuring ahead the next appointment, we will have another ultrasound to see quite how big this child might be. I’ve always loved chunky babies, but not really for delivery day…We shall see!

Today, on the way to the doctor’s appointment, John and I were listening to the latest Passion album, “The Awakening”. Right as we were pulling into the parking lot, the song “He Loves Us” sung by David Crowder Band (on this album anyways!) came on. We just sat in the parking space and listened to the rest of the song before we went in. I really had to fight tears through the entire song. It’s one of the worship songs I cried my eyes out to the day after we found out our first baby stopped growing. So, with the baby in my belly, and unknowingly at the time, just a few hours before we had that baby, I sung as loud as I could.

Today, that song has a double meaning. It helped walk me through the sorrow of losing our first child and was used today to remind me how much we’ve been blessed with this baby in my belly today. He’s allowed us to feel little baby kicks, to see pictures of life again on an ultrasound screen, and revived the hope of bringing a baby home from the hospital.

Regardless of the good or the bad, oh how He loves us.

Baby Shower #1!!

Our first baby shower invites! How adorable are those?! And, yes, that is a baby picture of me and one of John :o)
The only picture I have of our first shower! (And, I stole it from Sarah’s Twitter, thanks!) Jennifer G took some pictures for us, but I just haven’t gotten them yet. So, there’s us and the super yummy cake! The inside of the cake was the top layer colored pink and the bottom layer was colored blue. How cute is that?!

Well, let me tell you, these ladies pulled off such a fun shower! There were pink and blue decorations everywhere, so adorable. I already told you about the cool cake, which was super yummy with raspberry filling (I may or may not have wished I had some here at the house this morning…). Everyone was instructed via the invite to wear pink or blue depending on what they thought we were having. I repped the pink and John repped the blue. We came as a unit and wanted to show we will glady take either!! There were two “ballot boxes” set up where people could put their card (we did a gift card shower since it was much easier to travel with) to vote whether they thought we were having a boy or a girl. Each box was decorated pink or blue! Then, for the shower games, we did lots of old wives tales to figure out what we are having!

Now, much to our surprise, both the old wive’s tales AND the ballot box votes came out to…

BOY!!
 
John and I were both shocked! We were expecting the ballots to come out to girl! I think mainly because the only thing people have said in conversation is that they think we’re having a girl. So, we just kind of assumed everything would come out to girl. John and I kept laughing that if God had a sense of humor, we would end up with a boy and everything in the scrapbook would look all pink from the shower, haha. But, we expected wrong!

I think we have both just kind of guessed girl without really having any strong assumptions, so we walked away from the shower really believing that we will be totally surprised when this baby comes along! People ask me all the time if I think I know what we’re having, so here’s my response, in case you’re wondering, too!

“If I had to make a guess, put a gun to my head to take a jab at it, I would say girl. But, I don’t really have any basis for that! Some days I think boy, some days I think girl! So, we’ll just have to wait and see! Either way, we couldn’t be more excited!”

If you had anything to do with our shower…we LOVED it! So much fun, super yummy food and so great to feel all the love for us and the baybay. Plus, the gift cards were a huge blessing! We have already been able to get lots of essential items on sale (score!) and I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness. As many of you know, our major goal as a family right now is to get out of debt. I am glad to say we are making progress (although some days it feels like we are never going to get there!) and we have not created one new ounce of debt since we got married (and our wedding was debt-free!). It’s nice to be able to purchase stuff for the baby with gifts from people that love us and this child. Thank you seems inadequate!!

We are having another baby shower in Texas at John’s sister’s new house on June 17th! We are so excited to see family and friends that evening (and week!). For all you Texas peeps, we are so thrilled it worked out for us to see all of you while we’re expecting! All of you are such a huge blessing as well!

I just love that so many people love our baby, too :o)

Baby Update!

Baby belly at 24 weeks!

Hey Gang!

We had a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning and baby looked great! My belly growth was right on track. Actually, a little above. It always seems to be measuring a week ahead. For example, my last appointment I was 21 weeks and measuring for 22 weeks. This appointment I was 24 weeks and measuring 25 weeks. I told John on the car ride home, I am hoping that means the baby is developing a week earlier and will be here sooner! Rather than the baby coming right on time and I deliver the world’s largest baby (isn’t that every pregnant woman’s nightmare?!). And, somehow, despite my belly measurements, I am only up six pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was concerned about it, but the doctor wasn’t at all. And, I guess he’s right because I did lose a lot in the first trimester, so when you factor that in, I’m probably right on track.

The baby’s heartbeat was nice and strong as well! And, we still don’t know the gender :o) We decided to keep it a secret and my doctor’s office doesn’t record the gender in the chart when you don’t want to know what the secret is. That way, no one slips up in the office and unless we pay for an extra ultrasound somewhere, we have no way of knowing now! I was so terrified that we would have waited all this time and get to full term or something and someone would slip, mentioning the gender. I am so glad we don’t have to worry about that! Honestly, that was an answer to one of my ridiculous prayers!

The baby still moves around a lot. I was looking forward to the baby kicking the doctor while he was listening for the heartbeat and stuff. BUT, the baby must have known there was a doctor in the room and time to settle down because the baby stopped squirming as soon as the doctor came in. I mean, lots of squirming before and after but not during. Oh well. Maybe I can explain to the child how funny I would find that and he or she needs to kick hard next time.

The Lord has taught me (again) how to enjoy the blessing of this baby every single day. It is very easy to get worried and wonder what might happen (yes, I still get anxious despite the milestones we have passed). Some days I still feel that, “waiting for the rug to get pulled out from under us” feeling. It’s not fun. At all.

But, I am blessed beyond measure to now be carrying a second baby. No matter what bad or good happens through this pregnancy and in this child’s life, God is to be praised. He is in control and I know that. I just need to do a better job at my part of the deal which is to daily lay this baby back at His feet. Of course there are days when I want to say that I did that last time and things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to happen. But, God is gracious enough to remind me over and over again that He really does have it under control. And, I, for certain, know that He’s got a better grip on things than I do.

So, for today, I am blessed and overjoyed to have a little baby kicking around as I type this blog! And, I am beyond thrilled to know that the Lord has this baby and will do what brings Himself the most glory. With knowing that, I know this baby is loved and taken care of beyond what I can do. Glad to know the Lord somehow loves this baby even more than I do!

Cursed Are The Ones That Can’t Abide

Galatians 3:10 “For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” “
 

Embracing Accusations by Shane and Shane

“The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying “Cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide,”
he’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death,
Then death is mine
I hear him saying “Cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide,”
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray.
Singing the first verse so conveniently
he’s forgotten the refrain…
Jesus saves!
He redeemed us from the curse of the law,
He redeemed us from the curse of the law,
He redeemed us from the curse of the law! ”

Galatians 3:13 “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.”

If you have never heard this song by Shane and Shane, you need to close this blog, open up iTunes, and buy the song now. I still have not forgotten when I first heard them perform it in 2006 before it was released on their next album. I have absolutely adored it (and cry though it each time) ever since.

Lately, I’ve just been feeling defeated. Discouraged. Can’t get it right and don’t even know where to begin to get it right. Don’t you hate that feeling? What I hate even more is that sometimes I let the feeling dwell and it just becomes stronger lies from the enemy.Earlier today, John sent me a text asking if I could pray for him about something. Of course, I immediately replied back that I was praying that instant. And, I did. But, all of these thoughts came floating through my head (which I know from Scripture to be untrue and from my relationship with the Lord), that I just simply wasn’t good enough to be lifting those requests. Then, it starts of thinking I’m not the wife I should be, the mother I should be, on and on and on.

So, once I pushed through the thoughts I knew were not true, I continued to pray for my husband. Then, I took some homemade peanut butter cookies to him at work, hehe :o) On the way home, I randomly decided to listen to this song by Shane and Shane. But, as I now know, it was no random choosing. The Lord knew I needed to be reminded of the truths found in Galatians 3 through song.

All of the lies sung over me by the devil, are actually the song of the redeemed. The devil is right, I can’t do it on my own. I am in no way good enough. I can’t gain salvation. But, what he forgets to tell me is the most beautiful part, despite all of that junk, Jesus saves. And, even more importantly to me today that I needed to be reminded of, is that Jesus saved ME. And, I need His salvation even more today than the first day I called out to Him. I love days like today where I feel the wonder and necessity of Jesus stronger than anything else (and, when I can feel a little baby dancing around in my belly and pray that he or she experiences the same wonder one day)

Daddy’s Baby Already!

So, it turns out we are already 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant!! Time has been flying on by lately! Probably because we have been so stinkin’ busy with the move and lots of fun house guests. I am definitely not complaining that time is moving a lot faster than it did before. And, while I do still get nauseous from time to time, it seems like the vomiting stage (other than a fluke a week ago) ended at 20 weeks. So, woohoo for not puking all the time now! I could NOT be more grateful that the puking did eventually stop and I am not one of the lucky women that deals with it for the whole 9 months.

I first felt this sweet baby move at 15 weeks and the movements have only gotten stronger. And, a lot more frequent. Let’s just say that these days, the baby must not sleep much because the child has figured out how to do somersaults and cool breakdance moves in the weightless habitat. My belly does look very alien-like on a regular basis starting this last week. We’re talking, “um, I think a little foot could bust through at any moment,” type of movements. And, the crazy wave-like movements of my tummy all over the place. The movements are above my belly button sometimes, and below sometimes. Every once in a while there’s a left side jab, but the baby seems to like my right side better.

For the most part, the baby just moves whenever he or she feels like it (which seriously doesn’t matter whether it’s day or night, if I’ve had sugar or not, the kiddo likes to bust a move constantly). But, there is one thing I’ve noticed that brings the baby to freakout mode, jump all around, trying to bust straight through my uterus and tummy into the world to give me a piece of their mind…

when daddy is no longer around.

Whenever daddy’s voice is absent, the baby protests by beating up my insides and rolling around like a mad child.

Shortly after John leaves for work…when he leaves the room…when he stops talking at bedtime, etc…the baby goes crazy. It’s as if the baby is screaming and is trying to ask what the mess happened to his or her daddy.

Don’t worry, I plan to make sure this child understands how much I puked, how many times my back gave out to where John had to scoop me up and carry me to my destination, and how I birthed the child into the world. I am determined to make sure this baby loves me as much as he or she obviously loves daddy.

But, baby, I think you’re right about your daddy. He is just as amazing as you think he is and much more. I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s so much fun. And, makes me laugh like no one else on earth. Also, he’ll do anything you ever need. If you want to learn a trick, he’s super nice and giving, he would give you the world on a string if he could.

Baby, I’m glad you already love him so much. Because, I always want to protest when he has to go to work and things, too. It’s just not as socially acceptable for me to kick around like you do when he leaves…

Due Date

I knew that eventually May 1st would roll around. I also knew that after Christmas, it would be the next big hurdle to get through. And, here we are, the day before the due date that back in August I thought seemed like a million years away.

To put it lightly, today has been rough. I found myself crying my eyes out in random parking lots around town as I was trying to get my list of errands done today. I felt so bad for myself, I splurged and bought myself a pink Snuggie. And, some Rasinets. Take that sadness.

There have been a lot of tears this last week over our first lost baby. It’s funny how I used to think that if a woman just got pregnant again, she would be completely healed about a miscarriage. And, truthfully for some women, that may very well be the case, but it definitely hasn’t been for me. Our current pregnancy has brought healing of the wondering if we would ever be able to hold a pregnancy past the first trimester. But, this baby, in no way, has replaced our first one.

Leaving our apartment last week, to head to our new home in Georgia, was way more difficult than I thought it would be. And, the biggest hurt was that I felt like we were leaving our first baby behind. See, we don’t have much that’s physical to remember that baby. And, that apartment was where I took the tests that told me we were expecting. It was the place that John and I dreamed about what that baby would be like. It was where I couldn’t stop crying and holding my belly the night that we found out our baby was gone. It was where my contractions started the night before my surgery and I had our baby. It was where I recovered from the surgery and questioned if life would ever be the same. It was the place we lit our candle and read Scripture to remember the baby God gave us.

I cried and cried and cried the day we left our apartment. I actually made us leave several hours later than planned that day because I felt that first baby slipping away all over again.

And, now, here I am today, the day before our due date. This is tough. It’s tougher than I thought it would be just a month or two ago. I laid on the floor in our current baby’s room today with our first baby’s scrapbook and cried at first. Then, looking through the unfinished scrapbook, there was a peace. Man, we loved that baby. And, I think Jesus knows that. Plus, God has given us a new baby to share in all of that love. A new baby that God has at least given us 20.5 weeks with while we pray for many more weeks, months, and years.

If you read this tonight or tomorrow (or any day!) do you mind tossing up a prayer for us? Tomorrow is going to be a tough day and we are trying to find a good balance of mourning, remembrance, and a continuance of life for the day. Also, it’ll be John’s first weekend at the services at Dogwood church as the Tech Director, which includes the Saturday night service. So, we want to be ready and willing to invest in people tomorrow night. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

So…We…Are…Gonna….Be….

GEORGIANS!!!!
It’s true, we’re moving! No one can ever blame us for having boring lives, that’s for sure. This time last year, we were engaged and planning a wedding on a shoestring budget (which was debt-free and came out beautifully, if I do say so myself). Since then, we’ve gotten married, got pregnant 3 weeks after wedding, lost a baby 10 weeks after that, got pregnant again 2 months after that, now John is transitioning to a new job in a totally new state!! Phew, are you as tired as I am??

After lots of prayer, excitement, and tears, we really believe that the Lord is leading us to Peachtree City, Georgia where John is accepting the Tech Director position at Dogwood Church. The church (which we will be living nearby) is about 15 or so minutes from the Atlanta airport and about 25 minutes from downtown Atlanta.

John’s last day at First Baptist Orlando will be on April 16th and we plan to move that weekend or the beginning of that next week. The timing has all moved pretty quick as Dogwood is needing John to start soon. It’s all very exciting, but we are also sad to leave a church that we have loved dearly. First Orlando was where my walk with Jesus became not just something I talked about, but learned how to live out. It is also the place where I met the husband I learned how to pray for during my youth group days. It is where my husband asked me to marry him. It is where we stood before a room of witnesses and made a marriage covenant before the Lord. It is where I told him that we were expecting our first baby. The church staff and all of the precious people that make up the church have been nothing short of a blessing for the both of us. We have shed many tears over leaving a church that we absolutely adore.

But, the Lord is growing us and stirring an excitement in us for what’s to come. We had no idea that the beginning of our marriage would have so many things going on, so who in the world could guess what’s on the horizon! I am really excited about what ministry opportunities lay ahead for the both of us. And, I really do believe it’s going to be full of lots of great things. The Lord has given us both a better understanding of local missions over the last year and we are super pumped to see how that translates in our new city.

All of you Orlando folk, we love you and are going to miss you more than I could possibly begin to type in a silly blog. We have a guest room that is crying out for you to come visit us!! Also, we will definitely be back sometime in June for a baby shower (yay! maybe I’ll have a belly by then?!) and in November with the babe. With Orlando being my hometown, we will definitely still be around and anxious to see all of you!

Love you all so much! Please be praying for us as we get ready to pack up and move! The transitions that specifically could use some prayer:

–We are finalizing which (out of two) houses we are going to rent.
–I still haven’t found an OB/GYN, I am pretty anxious about this because we are leaving a doctor’s office we love here
–That my body can withstand all of the physical stress that comes with moving, I am quite the sickly woman these days and don’t want to get too overworked!
–For John to work well with his new fellow staff members
–For the both of us to find friendships that are truly ordained from the Lord quickly!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Please comment on here if there is anything we can pray about!

Baby Update!

I am the worst blogger in the world. I always mean to update and then never get to it. My excuse this time around is that I usually feel in a bloggy mood at night. Well, usually I want to throw up like a mad woman in the evenings. Well, and in the morning. Well, hmm, I guess during the day, too. Eh, you get the idea…

But, I did want to update you on our last doctor’s appointment! It was last Tuesday (on the 23rd). I was 15weeks 1day. The baby still had a strong heartbeat, which was in the low 150’s. And, I was up a little weight! I was still under my pre-pregnancy weight, but up from before. Which, that is very good news and I am glad to be at the point where the excessive vomiting appears to be over. I never knew I would get to the point where a little puke doesn’t bother me because overall I am able to keep enough food down. Um, perspective change, much??

Also, I have been feeling some movement, flutters (totally never understood that as a description until it happened!) and sometimes it feels like the baby is popping some popcorn in my uterus :o) I love the little movements. And, as much as I can’t wait for them to be strong enough for John to feel it from the outside, I am totally loving my exclusive one-on-one time with the small human being that has been the source of my sickness for so long, hehe. How could a cute little baby that “flutters” wreak so much havoc on my body? But, those little flutters and popcorn make it all worth it!

We have been praying over our beautiful baby every day. And, I have finally gotten my act together a little more (thank you, Jesus again for the excessive yuckiness being over!). Therefore, I have been able to really pray the Scripture verses that John and I picked for our children over this precious baby. What a sweet time to feel little kicks as I pray Scripture for our baby to answer God’s call on his or her life. I have always loved praying verses over my husband and am now loving to pray for our baby.

Sometime this week we will finally upload our ultrasound picture from week 8! The baby just looks like a cute little blob. But, it’s our little blob :o)

Lost Innocence

Over the last week or two, I’ve had a few nights where it’s been really tough for me to fall asleep. I just lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark and my mind runs wild. I try to control it and just get to bed, but sometimes my crazy thoughts have won.

Like, last night. I was tired and not feeling well, so I wanted to fall asleep quickly. But, instead, there I lay replaying the miscarriage over and over in my head. Laying there, despite how nauseous I feel, wondering if I am just an incubator yet again for a baby that has stopped growing.

Last night, I explained to John some of my fears and he responded with, “Yeah, I kinda feel like since we’ve been excited, that we’re just waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under us,”. Oh, how I couldn’t agree more.

At the same time, we are spending each day excited and with a grateful heart for this baby. There are some people that have not and will not see a positive pregnancy test, no matter how hard they pray. I know that to even be pregnant twice, with two precious children, is a gift. Even if “the rug gets pulled out from under us,” I will be thankful for both times having to be pregnant. But, every once in a while, a dark night creeps up on me and I can’t help my mind wandering.

When I had another night like this one about a week ago, I just kept telling John how we never got to fully experience the innocence and well, naivety of a first time pregnancy. We already know and have experienced what bad can happen in a pregnancy on our very first go at it all. I just think it’s different when it’s your first. Listening for a heartbeat has not and probably will never be a fully innocent experience for us. The very first time a heartbeat was searched for, there was none to be found. When the morning rolled around for us to check for this baby’s first heartbeat, it was terrifying. That experience never had the chance to be innocent or fun.

I’m really not complaining about any of this, I just almost feel sad for the little girl I was when I always dreamt of being pregnant. I couldn’t wait to marry the man of my dreams and we would have the most perfect pregnancy resulting in the most perfect first child. I just feel a little saddened for my first baby that he or she never had the chance to grow or for us to hear his or her heartbeat. I feel saddened for this baby that didn’t get the “belly pictures” every week like the first one, or that his/her first ultrasound was a worried one for us or that hearing his/her heartbeat for the first time was terrifying because we didn’t know if we could trust it.

BUT, if nothing else, we are trusting the Lord. We are putting our hope in Him to do what’s best for us and our little baby; no matter what that may mean. We are expecting for God to do great things despite our fears, questions, excitement, or ultimately, ourselves. And, therefore, I think we are in the best place we can be…full reliance on One that is infinitely worth more glory than anyone else

A Little Phillips On The Way!!

On January 2, 2010, John and I saw the little plus sign on a home pregnancy test. It’s funny how this time around, there was no “I feel like I just got hit by a train, in a good way” statements made. We both just commented on how peaceful things seemed and here we go again! And, then, I’m pretty sure we both just went back to bed! Haha. Hey, it was a Saturday morning and sleep sounded good :o) Our precious little one is due on September 13, 2010, which makes me 12 weeks.

The last two months have been a whirlwind of emotions. This new baby has brought some healing and has also brought to mind sad memories of our first pregnancy. Don’t get us wrong, you probably couldn’t meet two more overjoyed people to have a baby on the way. But, this baby and our first one are two completely different human beings. And, therefore, this baby in no way replaces our first one or causes us to “just get over what happened the first time”. I’m not quite sure if a day will ever come that I don’t wonder what our first baby would have looked like. What he or she would have wanted as their favorite after school snack. Etc. But, at the same time, we are so very thrilled at the possible opportunity to get to experience those things with this beautiful baby.

I can honestly say for the first time in my life, that I desire God’s will more than my own. There are many times I have prayed to experience that 100% or wished that I could figure out how to get to that place. And, these last several months, I think I have really begun to understand what it means to carry my cross daily. The strength of the Lord is what got us through our miscarriage and we believe that if the Lord called us to walk that road again, we would continue to pray for the Lord to be glorified. One of our constant prayers lately is that the Lord would do whatever gives Him the most glory with this baby. If that means to take our baby home to Him, than so be it. But, if it means to let this baby enter the world, than so be it. We pray the Lord will give us this baby to raise, but we can truly say we desire His will more than anything else.

Driving the way to the doctors office almost 4 weeks ago for our first ultrasound, John and I were both pretty quiet in conversation. We played Hillsong United’s “Arms Open Wide” and sang it at the top of our lungs. I had tears in my eyes and pondered what the morning might hold. I also thought back on the devastating 2nd ultrasound of our first baby. Such mixed emotions that day. I brought my clinging cross from this post, and clung as the ultrasound began. The very first second or two, I thought I didn’t see the heartbeat. But, then, there it was. A little blob of a baby (hehe) with a flickering image of a heartbeat. Cool as a cucumber, just kickin’ back and hanging out. And, the baby was 8weeks 3days, which was almost a week past when the first baby stopped growing. What a great morning.

Theeeen, I was put in the hospital that same day for dehydration. I was also diagnosed with hyperemesis, which basically means I haven’t been able to stop throwing up. The actual hyperemesis probably lasted a total of 4 weeks. I wasn’t able to keep any food or drink down :o( I’ve lost 4 pounds this first trimester. I’m still trudging through morning sickness now, but am finally getting to the point where I can keep some stuff down. I’ve joked with John that I have been so insanely sick that I haven’t even had the time or energy to worry about if the baby is going to be fine! Haha. So, I guess the extreme yucky feeling has been a blessing in disguise :o)

One week ago we had an appointment and heard the baby’s heartbeat! As most of you remember, that was our appointment where we found out about our first baby. So, it was such a relief when the heartbeat was found right away. Still pumping nice and strong!! That was an amazing day. All of the euphoria had me feeling better the rest of the day! But, then I was yucky again the next day, haha. But, still crazy excited!

I’ll leave it here for now! But,we know two things, 1) we are crazy excited about this beautiful baby, and 2) this little one will grow up knowing that he or she had an older brother or sister that prepared our hearts to love him/her in a way that we probably never could have before

“My whole life is Yours, I give it all, surrendered to Your name, and forever I will pray, have Your way…”